i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Just fell off a train. Bad.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Randomize
