I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My brain says no but my pants say off.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
