Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
