I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
