I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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