ya dads aren't the best wingmen
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
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Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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