Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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