So drunk, too bad you don't want this
your room smells of hookers.
And success
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
