Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Dick very happy bro
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
