You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
