you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
