you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
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Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize