Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
