why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
