No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Houston, we have a squirter
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Randomize
