I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
if i can run in heels then i can drive
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
