I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
