Pants 0. Shit 1.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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