My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
