so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Randomize
