We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
