Ambien. No doubt about it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
