We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
