i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
PANTIES FOUND
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