your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
