dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
