Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
