i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
