you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
