i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
