it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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