I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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