Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I supernannyed him into submission
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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