So drunk its hurt
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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