Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
