Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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