Fine. I'll sleep in my office
this beer tastes like vomit already
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
