My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
