dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
