Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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