Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize