wrigley field is MILF paradise
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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