if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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