Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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