I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm sobbing to NWA
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
