Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
