hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
