I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
