I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
