K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
