My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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