AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
