I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
high people should be assigned attendants
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
