everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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