that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
