I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
