i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
