so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Randomize
