we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
