can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Randomize
