names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize