apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Sober January is a disaster.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize