What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
