there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
