Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
