I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
