I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
