My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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