we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
The ass gains better be worth it
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