found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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