moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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