My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Randomize
