Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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