Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Floor bacon is actually really good
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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