I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
