Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
high people should be assigned attendants
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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