he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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