I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
You can't motorboat a personality
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
