I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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