Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
