wat bout pragnant strippers??
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
